Bradford
My daughter is over, the following started as a conversation with her and my mother after Dinner and I got to thinking and came up with this. It's not to far from the actual thing.
Me: My friend was in hospital and he died for 30 seconds. Heart stopped and everything, they they plugged the oxygen back in and everything started up again.
Daughter: So he was going up to heaven saw the light and was yanked back?
Me: Oh no, you don't go to heaven when you die.
Daughter: Where do you go?
Me: Bradford.
Mother: Bradford? Why not Heaven?
Me: Hard to believe inst it, both are such mystical places.
Daughter: Bradford!
Me: Afraid so, in fact, if you ever meet anyone from Bradford they are actually already dead. Nothing the dead like more than to play mind games with the living.
Mother: What about the other place?
Daughter: Yeah, what happens if you are bad?
Me: Fiji. Gets quite warm.
Mother: I know people who've been to Fiji on holiday.
Me: Let out early for good behaviour?
Daughter: You're crazy.
Me: I have the certificates to prove it.
Mother: I don't doubt that.
Me: Good! Wouldn't want you to think I was just making this up.
Daughter: [Blank stare].
Missing
Woke up this morning from a series of intermingled bad dreams, so many people, so many places, so many memories. Crying in my sleep and hard to hold it back now I'm awake.
I miss my baby.
I miss living for today and dreaming about tomorrow.
I miss riding shotgun with my hand on your lap.
I miss reading bedtime stories, pick two books.
I miss watching you sleep, your face next to mine when I wake.
I miss McClain and Tumwater, Pheonix and Jim.
I miss the stars on the ceiling.
I miss circle boy, hip cat, and the kitchen stink.
I miss hearing my name, I miss saying your's more.
I miss Wendy's and Denny's and Happy Meals with you.
I miss my independance, my time and my space.
I miss talking to you on my smoke break.
I miss your eyes and your smell, your hair and your taste.
I miss holding hands, your touch, your embrace.
I miss PST, RTV and ABC 1560.
I miss remembering and not crying.
I miss my baby.
Chewiecide Manoeuvre
Traditional suicide can fail in about as many ways as you can dream to attempt it. The mounting risks associated with failure combined with modern medical advances make this once simple task a daunting undertaking.
It's with months of dedicated research and many fine volunteers we are proud to announce chewiecide!
chew·ie·cide (chū'ĭ-sīd')
n.
- The act or an instance of intentionally harassing a wookie as a means to killing oneself.
- One who commits chewiecide.
There are several recommended ways to accomplish Chewiecide. The following "chewiecide manoeuvres" have been carefully tested to ensure a maximum success rate.
Note : Failure to successfully execute a "chewiecide manoeuvre" will in most cases end in the same result.
Accidental Stomp : A good beginner move for the faint of heart. Walking along side your Wookie of choice, accidentally step on his toes. The Wookie will be suitably enraged and through careful apology you should be able to calm him down. Once you appear to have been forgiven and the Wookie looks away stamp on his foot as hard as you can and laugh. You should be ripped limb from limb momentarily.
Genital Juggle : This manoeuvre requires a certain level of nerve, but having your head pounded into your chest awaits a successful execution! Engage the Wookie in conversation and while talking keep glancing down to his crotch. After a couple of moments, crouch down and poke the Wookies crotch fur with a suitable implement (fingers are good), look up and ask "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Delayed Retaliation : The ultimate maneuver for those of you who just love to show off (some preparation time required). The first step is to find and befriend the hairiest Wookie in existence, this is an exceptionally risky problem in its own right, be carefull not to become a victim of premature execution. Once the Wookie is semi-trusting, consume several large pieces of chewing gum, masticate to an exceptionally sticky consistency and place in palm of hand. Give the Wookie a huge hug and stick the gum into the fur in the middle of his back. Your own demise will come when the Wookie finds out giving this manoeuvre its name.
Don't be afraid to try your own "chewiecide manoeuvres", failure is harder than you think!
There once was a man..
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's wife had a rather large bucket.
And rather then loose it
she'd let him use it
And it leaked wherever he took it.--by Trinity Dejavu
There once was a woman..
There once was a woman from Cox
who had an enormous box!
She called herself Madge
after her glorious fadge.
And in winter she stuffed it with socks.--by Trinity Dejavu
Good girl.
I've never written erotic fiction before (so don't be to harsh), the following is adapted from an IM conversation with a work colleague. Well, not exactly a conversation, I wrote, she read....
"I’m thinking you would look very sexy on your knees".
Everyday, I Think of You
Alone in a room full of people.
Perched out the way, on display.
Often spoke, but never talked.
I'm glad we did.
I Love You Miyabina <3
Seeds of Change
A Storm is coming....
Maddeningly adrift on a calm ocean, disturbed only by fruitless attempts at control, unable to build momentum save to lift myself momentarily only to crash back down.
Despondency clouds the horizon, life on hold with no where to go.
Seeds sown, prayers answered, eyes opened. The storm is coming, but this is my storm. This is my change, my beginning, and its good.
....I'm not afraid anymore.