Trinity Dejavu When Worlds Collide

Drifting Sexuallity

This is something that has been on my mind for a long time now, the ever present question of sexuality. Boys vs Girls, choosing and should I even have to.

I have always felt myself to be bisexual, well, bi curious until a few years back. Fear was without doubt the biggest thing that held me back during my teens, I told a close friend at college and the next day it was all over campus. Learnt the hard way that perhaps the company I kept wasn't as liberal as myself on such issues. A string of hetro relationships followed, that was ok, I liked girls, very much in fact.

Fast forward 15 years and the question was back in my mind, the desire to transition and be true to myself was strongly in focus after being buried so very deep for so very long.

My first intimate experiences with the male variety was a mixed experience in many ways, very enjoyable, but also wrapped up in the emotional torment of the time as one period of my life came to close and another opened.

Since then, though transition and HRT I've come to know many people online of both genders and a pattern has emerged. Most boys are potatoes (with a penis). I think this quote sums it up perfectly.

Ron, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all do

~Hermione Granger

There are an exceptional few, one in particular comes to mind as I write this, I met him in SL while shopping for animations for the briefest of moments.

In ten minutes of normal conversation he took my heart in his hands and made it flutter. In ten everlasting minutes I was nervous, excited and enthralled. He was like a drug, cutting straight through everything I had ever thought about men, straight to my core and making it his, every part of my being erupting into light with a word. I have never felt so much so condensed.

He gave me ten whole minutes and then was gone. It felt like a lifetime and I don’t even know his name.

Girls on the other hand (transgender girls included) are a whole different world, emotionally deep and fluid, like a sea bubbling and frothing under the surface and for me, that makes it.

While it fits to say "I lust after boys, I fall in love with girls." its not quite how I feel.

It's the person that I fall for, everything else, height, hair colour, contents of knickers, shoe size .... secondary to the personality, the mind, the depth, individuality, what makes the person who they are.

It just so happens that most of the time, boys aren't even in the game.