Not much to say…
Aside from HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've not got a lot to say really. I'm off the anti depressants, headaches and dizzyness have gone now and generally I feel more me than I have in a long time.
Christmas was ok, I just miss Miya so much, especially over the holidays. We are working on things and it's getting better. I did get to spend some time with my daughter, so that rocks :)
The housing situation isn't really going anywhere as everywhere is closed for xmas, hopefully things will move pretty quickly now we are in the new year. I need to be somewhere by the 18th of Jan at the very very latest or im under a bench someplace.
Lilly will be over soon and I'm so looking forward to seeing her, just hoping we will have somewhere to stay!
Finally, a couple of pics I took today in SL, been working on my house a lot and I think the new jail cell kicks ass.
Missing
Woke up this morning from a series of intermingled bad dreams, so many people, so many places, so many memories. Crying in my sleep and hard to hold it back now I'm awake.
I miss my baby.
I miss living for today and dreaming about tomorrow.
I miss riding shotgun with my hand on your lap.
I miss reading bedtime stories, pick two books.
I miss watching you sleep, your face next to mine when I wake.
I miss McClain and Tumwater, Pheonix and Jim.
I miss the stars on the ceiling.
I miss circle boy, hip cat, and the kitchen stink.
I miss hearing my name, I miss saying your's more.
I miss Wendy's and Denny's and Happy Meals with you.
I miss my independance, my time and my space.
I miss talking to you on my smoke break.
I miss your eyes and your smell, your hair and your taste.
I miss holding hands, your touch, your embrace.
I miss PST, RTV and ABC 1560.
I miss remembering and not crying.
I miss my baby.
The Never Ending Clean
First up, let me appologise for not blogging since I got back to England. My heart hasn't been in it. I want to be back with Miya & Sarah more than anything in the world and I can't. It does't get any easier.
I've been staying with friends for the last week, they have a baby on the way and need some help to get the house in order, photos alone fail to convey the state of the place. Weve finally got the kitchen sorted, scrubbed top to bottom and resembing somewhere food can be cooked! Been working in the downstairs office and bedroom for a few days now but its very slow going, there is so much stuff everywhere!
AJen has been having some quite strong practice contractions and her hips keep popping out so she can't walk. Doctors said everything is all ok, but it looks like the baby will be born sooner than expected. Aside from that she is doing well, were getting the flashbacks under control and she's happy in herself most of the time now.
The Bondage Song
We went to the Marquee Theatre in Tempe to see London after Midnight, Bithday Massacre and Mindless Self Indulgence and had a great time! Drinks were painfully expensive but that's to be expected I suppose. Atmosphere was excellent with a great crowd, you could spend a whole day just people watching and I suppose that's what some do.
London after Midnight was the real surprise, only played for 30 mins right at the start and were simply stunning. Birthday Massacre were disappointing, I like the music but the show was poor and the lead singer was having a little trouble at times. Mindless Self Indulgence were something else, awesome music and crowd interaction, Jimmy Urine (lead singer) is mental ... clearly.
MistrsEvilKitten has put most of the show on youtube. London after Midnight have some of their stuff up here but not much and nothing from the other night. But Sean (pictured above) is just yummy... Can I keep him?
*hums* ...Close your eyes, open your mind, who do you blame, you're not the only one, on your knees, who do you please, who do you feed until I find another one...
Happy Birthday Baby!!!
I love you more than I can say, my love, my life, my pet, my everything. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
The folks at the TGL organised a suprise party, you can see my pic's on flickr here, and Caitlyn's here.
Jim and Sarah came over and we all went out for a family meal to Three Margaritas, miya had something very weird, I discovered mushooms were yummy. Sang happy birthday and her mom called her miya, played on a ATARI 2600 flashback retro games console miya got for her birthday followed by Apples to Apples. We all had a really fun day. Big thank you to everyone who made it happen :)
On behalf of everyone I hope you have the best year yet, love you.
Goodbye Inkland .. Hello Amelica!
;
I'm writing this on the plane with miya looking over my shoulder, she's board (lawl), so please excuse a lower than normal amount of spelling mistakes, grammatical gaffs and general dyslexia.
After a few hectic days of packing and giving things away, the last 31 years of my life has been reduced to two suitcases, a laptop bag and a couple of boxes in my parents loft (mostly books). It has been heart wrenching at times to have to go through everything and decide what I would keep and what was sold or given away. To give an idea of the volume of stuff to go through; I was living in a 3 bedroom house, chock full of all the things you would expect. Of everything I will miss my kitchen and sofa the most.
Leaving the place I've called home for the last five years wasn't as hard as I had feared, maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. The people I loved there is another matter. Every room in that house has so many memories of us all living together, a constant reminder of days passed. Many times I've found myself lurching from room to room breaking my heart as the memories come flooding back. Being with my wife, the sound of Zoe playing, decorating with Daizy. Staying in that house for so long after everyone moved on has made their parting so much harder.
I love you all so much, not being near you is the hardest thing I have ever done. But I need to stop crying over what has passed and relearn to look forward.
We arrived at Manchester at 7am, a whole hour ahead of when we needed to be here due to problems getting a later taxi, then we find out our plane was delayed. Fast forward 5 hours and we finally got going an in the air. The flight has been uneventful so far (crosses fingers), the staff are nice and the meal was ok, soft and mushy, but good. The entertainment is dire, shared video screens that turn everyone a healthy umpa-lumpa orange, more static than sound over the headphones and no chance of sleeping. Ah well, could be worse.
We land in Atlanta in a few hours time, then some waiting, then another four hours in the air to Phoenix and I only have an hour of battery life left. Sigh, hopefully I can find some power and wifi when we land.
To be continued....
Kelise Hailey, I Miss You.
Tonight in SL is the one year memorial service for Kelise Hailey, she was a young transsexual woman who's struggle became to much for her to bare. She committed suicide. She was my friend.
I owe my own life to Kelise. When she left us I was in a very dark place, torn between this world and something else. Losing her fixed my resolve to stay for good. No matter how low and depressed I feel, no matter what happens in my life. I made her a silent promise and I will keep it. I keep a candle lit for her in SL to remind me that no matter what happens, no matter how dark the days might seem for me or anyone else. You're never truly alone.
When I'm quiet and alone my thoughts often drift to her, a year on and I still can't hold back the tears. I miss you Kelise.
Hiya Dayna :D
One of my best friends in second life and fellow Transgender Lounge volunteer, Dayna Bedrosian has set herself up a blog. Go you!
Lights! Camera! OMG!
Thank you Loorla for the make-up and Daizy for taking the picture. I had a fantastic day that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Hopefully more pictures to come :)