Not blogged in a while, partly because I have little to write and partly becasue I’m generally lacking in motivation.

I made a recent return trip to see Ajen which ended being chased down the street by her dad, drunk, in nothing but his underpants. Seems my prescence wasn’t entirly welcome. Someone wrapped up in his own little miserable bubble sought through lies to misrepresent me and my intentions.

As those of you who follow my twitter scribblings (in the margin of my blog) will know, I’ve had quite a rough time since returning. Mydepression has deepened as have feelings of anxiety. Reawoken by being back in the village where I was so often beaten just for being me.

Cumilated in a a recent trip to see the GP to get an updated prescription and to find out about the progress of getting my medical records from Crewe (which seem to have vanished into the either). I can only describe the anxiety attack I suffered over leaving my parents house as terrifing, irrational, groundless fear. It’s been years since I felt so scared to venture out from the house and go to the village centre. (The last time was during the closing years of my secondary education and I was being attacked and bullied at least once a week, leaving the same house, in the same village).

In the end it took me several frought hours to get ready to leave the house and walk the 5 minutes down the road. By the time I got to the doctors office I was shaking, sweating and visably in a mess.

I am now on the highest dose of antidepressants since my world fell apart around me when I was woken to the need to change my life over two years ago. I am being refered on, to what, who knows…

I have been a little withdrawn into myself recently and I am trying to get out of my shell, thank you everyone for your patience. I will try to blog more as things happen.