Trinity Dejavu

My exwife (not yet divorced, just separated) moved out with her live in lover a little over 3 weeks ago and in that time I have seen my daughter twice. She has come over in the evening, slept the night and I have had most of the following day.

Its far from what I would like.

When they moved out, they took almost everything. I was left with the kitchen intact, a cheep dining room table thats seen better days, my own personal belongings including my bed and a garage full of rubbish that I am probably going to have to pay to have disposed of.

The one other thing they didn’t take with them is half of the credit card debt which at the time of writing is about £3000 ($6000 US).

All the credit cards are in my name as for years I was the only earner in the house and realistically the only one of us who could get a card or five. She always had total control of all the money in our relationship , paying bills, all the buying and all the spending (to the point that I have had wage checks written out payable to her).

Items, shopping, whatever was paid for on the credit card as she deemed necessary and she was in full control of how much was repaid and when.

(Its worth noting at this point that we have had credit card trouble before and my mother came to the rescue and paid the debts off in full a few years ago.)

Today she tried to force me to accept an offer to cover half of the outstanding credit card debt.

She offered to pay back a certain amount each month for the next 7 months that would cover half the debt and interest during the repayment period. Put another way, I would be lending her half of the debt and retaining full responsibility for it as it would still be in my name.

I wanted her to either get a card of her own or a loan or whatever (I don’t really care how she does it) and pay me half of the balance as it stands now. Effectively taking responsibility for half of the debt herself.

She refused to even contemplate that option and insisted that I accept her offer. I refused, asking her again to look at my suggestion. She then brought up the as yet unsettled issue of child maintenance, a totally separate issue that just happens to also involve money.

The implication was very very clear. Do it my way, or jeopardize your access to your daughter, and that in my book is blackmail.

I will not allow her to walk all over me, I do it now and it will happen again and again and again for ever. I want things to be fair, the debt to be handled fairly, my maintenance handled fairly and my access to my daughter handled fairly.

Is that to much to ask?